{Grace} If Mama Aint Happy...

I remember growing-up and feeling like I had a 'boring' testimony...and by 'boring' I mean I wasn't miraculously delivered from drugs or something exciting like that. I was just me, Lucy, a girl from a loving family (that OF COURSE had it's quirks) a girl who tried her best in school (most the time) didn't get into (too much) trouble and really just wanted to grow-up, marry an honest man, have babies, and go to church every Sunday. Although I did grow-up to marry an honest man and had babies and do go to church every Sunday I no longer view my testimony as 'boring', actually I view it as an ongoing, exciting, unpredictable, mind-blowing, and intimate walk and life with the creator of the universe...here is just a bit of that testimony that He continues to write in my life...

Anyone that knows me well knows that I am big fan of GRACE (God's undeserved, unearned, unmerrited favor). I'm hoping  to shed light on why this word literally turned my world upside down in a totally awesome way! Now, I am not a stranger to the word 'grace' at all (or so I thought). Since I was a little girl I have known who Jesus is and that He died for my sin and that I now get to go to heaven someday instead of hell because of grace, yeah! However, my understanding of the word and what it meant for me in my EVERYDAY life here and NOW was not really clear.

 A little over 2 years ago, just before I found out I was pregnant with my daughter Lily, I was struck with fear, and anxiety, and depression. "What is this?! Where did this come from?!" I would wake up every morning with a heavy cloud over me not knowing how to get rid of it or why it was there or how I could even get up and face the day, but I did of course get up and face the day, I am a mom, and kids don't let you take vacations. I felt absent though, going through the motions with the kids, going to bed as early as I could and waking up as late as they would let me...Mama WASN'T happy!

I did not want to tell my friends because I didn't want anyone's pity and I knew they couldn't really help me out of this funk anyway so why tell them? I did, however, break down and tell Avery about it and he was a rock, and that is just what I needed him to be. He prayed for me and with me frequently about it but other than that he gave me my space...and I'm so glad he did! I didn't need Avery at that point...I needed Jesus. I was at a VERY low point and I was on my face everyday asking God why?!! BEGGING Him to free me from this, wondering what I had done wrong to deserve it, wondering if it would ever go away or if I would just have to learn to live with it, I was pressing into God because it was all I could do. The things that Jesus showed me in those following months have liberated me and freed me from more than just fear, anxiety, and depression, but also from a life that I did not even realize was wearing me down BIG time...a life of trying to be a good girl for God, a life of never feeling like I was doing quite enough for Him, a life that I now know so clearly He never put on me.

It was over the following months that God began to untie the knots of wrong-thinking that I had about Him...He began to show me that He IS pleased with me RIGHT NOW because when He looks at me He does not see my sin but sees the perfect blood of His son, He does not see where I am 'not doing enough' but loves to watch me laugh and love and use the gifts He placed in me to enjoy. My right-standing with Him had nothing to do with MY righteousness but had everything to do with HIS righteousnes that He gave to me as a GIFT...you cannot EARN a gift...you can only RECEIVE a gift. I had received the gift of not going to hell many years ago, but I had not received the gift of living EVERYDAY here and NOW out of who I AM in Christ...not who I one day hope to be or achieve. That I get to live in constant fellowship with God, what a blast! I get to talk to Him at any second of the day and I don't have to ask forgiveness for all my wrong deeds before He will hear me...or ask forgivness for not praying enough before He will hear me, He is right there ALL the time and none of that stuff is between us anymore, because of Jesus, because of Grace! I can talk to Him in my own language, not try and sound 'holy' by choosing my words carefully, I can just pour out my heart and feel loved and accepted by this amazing God. I can expect good things TODAY because God is on MY side...I don't need to attain His favor, His favor is a free gift in Christ. I get to be with Him, enjoy Him, see myself in Him, serve Him WITHOUT fear or trying to 'earn' something from Him, it is all mine already in Christ...are you starting to see how it is ALL about JESUS!?!! The righteousness is His, and He chooses to give it to us as a gift if we will only receive. The glory is His and it will be forever, and one of the ways He chooses to display His glory is in my life and yours...HUGE BLESSING!!! He is writing our story and we are totally secure in HIM!

Whew! I could really write on this subject for hours because everytime I think I have grasped how good He is, how much is ours in Christ, He blows me away again and again and again with more wonderful truths of Himself. You see I am not even aware of when exactly my depression left, or when joy returned...I was just beholding more and more of Who Jesus is and in the light of Him the darkness could not stand. I was consumed with HIS beauty and no longer aware of MY ugly. I stopped being me centered, because if you are 'you' centered you will fall short and fail and be defeated EVERY time, and the enemy knows that...if you are Jesus centered you are secure, and victorious, and triumphant EVERY time...We are flimsy and unpredictable, He is the same forever.

It's funny, I can remember as a young girl asking Jesus to come into my heart at least half a dozen times because I knew that when He comes into your heart He gives you a "fresh start" a "clean slate" and even as a CHILD I knew my "slate" would keep getting dirty. As a teenager I was SO excited to be baptised because I knew how "dirty" I was and that when I went under the water it was like a bath and that I would come up "clean" ...and I think that I made it about 20 minutes before I had a wrong thought and was "dirty" again...I now know that I will NEVER EVER EVER be "dirty" again, not because I don't ever sin, but because the blood of Jesus has cleansed me from ALL sin...past, present, and future.

So what do I do with this freedom? Do I want to go out and sin my socks-off?!! Heck no! I am FREE, I don't think about ways to sin because I am too busy falling in love with my Jesus...even though I am sure I do sin, probably everyday, I have nothing more to say to sin because Jesus said it all. I get to LOVE Him I get to LOVE others, shoot I even get to love myself! All because that 'barrier' of sin has been removed. Sin is hurtful, it is a trap if you chase after it...I'm too busy chasing after Jesus, and when I do slip-up I know He is not shocked, I know He is right there with me, and this causes me to love Him even more...His love for me (and for you) is forever, He is no longer on one side and I am on the other side with my sin in between us. He has his arm around me and there is no place I'd rather be.

Romans 5:1-2

By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.

Just an 'FYI'

For all my blog friends and family, I just started another blog http://www.gracegratitudeandgiggleseveryday.blogspot.com/ as a way to journal 'photos of the day' so you can go there for more up to date and frequent posts of the Helmrick Family :)

{Gratitude} For My Sweet Little Ava As She Turns 5!

I say this every year so why stop now; "Where has time gone?!" I blinked and my daughter who turned 4 like two seconds ago is now celebrating her 5th birthday! I cannot sum up in words my love and adoration for this girl. I lovingly refer to her as my sweet little bird (because her name means "like a bird") and so we play off that for her 5th birthday. Conveiniently she wanted an "Owl Party", probably due to watching the movie "Legend of the Guardians", but it was the perfect fit for a Night Owl Pajama Party with all her girl cousins plus her friend Kylie...and so she and I got busy on the planning. Her demands were very easy to meet: an icecream sundae bar with LOTS of toppings instead of a cake, a craft, and her "ava music" i.e. disney princess c.d.'s and the 'Jesus loves Ava' c.d. that her aunt and uncle bought her a few years ago, the only request that I didn't fulfill was for mashed potatoes to be served, partly because she requested them only while she was eating them at the time we made our list.

So we set out to Hobby Lobby to find some Owl inspiration, Ava was so excited to spot this cute fabric and I was probably even more excited to get to make the invitations out of it! No sewing was involved here, just my awesome poems skills and a gluegun.

-the 'pillow' invites turned out beautifully and Ava enjoyed the silly poem-



Ava was so proud to write her friends' names on the envelopes
and took her job of deciding which invite goes to who VERY seriously!







-then came her favorite part-



As if the invites weren't fun enough to create now we got to think of the party itself, I looked online and added some of my own flair, and could hardly wait to show my girl all that was in store for her big day. She had dance class the morning of the party so daddy took her there with little sis while I put all the decor up, she walked in and said, "Wow! mommy this looks great!...I can't believe my owl party is today!!!" I know time can drag on when kids are waiting for something fun (like Christmas) so for the past week we didn't mention the party because Ava was getting too antsy and so she was SO thrilled that the day had finally arrived. I styled her hair to her liking, dressed her up in her pj's and took a few quick pictures before the guests arrived.



{snack table}



{Ready for guests to arrive}

{Party Room}

{Goody Bags by the door, ready to be filled!}



Our first guest has arrived!

and another...

and some more!

okay, NOW it's time to party!

We started off the night with a pillowcase race, hopping to one end of the backyard to get an 'owl egg' to return to it's nest. Ava and Kylie wanted nothing to do with the race...but were all over the prizes: Owl Hair clips!

These were SOOO easy to make, I just glued some ribbon and a felt owl to a hairclip.

Next it was time to come in for a craft. Ava was aboslutely stuck on the idea of decorating pillowcases and I'm glad she was, the girls were totally into it and the mamas got to enjoy some drinks and fondue while the girls created their own masterpieces.

Showing how to use the stencils...they were sticker ones and worked great.

Eliyana was too into it to even look up for a picture! :)

After the girls finished up their pillows and put them in their goody bags it was their turn to have some fondue and snacks. I snuck outside to hide more baby owls for them to hunt in teams with flashlights, they looked so cute and both teams tied with 8 owls each, good thing I had lots of prizes! 

Holding the flashlight was pretty fun so we had to take turns.

these girls searched high and low!



Yeah baby! We all get a prize!

As soon as the hunting was done the girls had to walk through the dark house in search of a glow-in-the-dark star with a number on it, they all sat on the couch wondering what the numbers were for and I could not wait to show them!!! I had been working on these for weeks and kept them hidden from Ava to be sure it stayed a surprise. They each got to open a new owl friend with their matching number on it. Each owl came with a poem describing what kind of owl it was, this idea I saw online and it was so cheap and fun to do! We started out with the birthday girl and everyone waited their turns so nicely...

Ava got the 'Dancing Owl' and named her Kelly :)

Kylie won the 'Musical Owl' & named her Lulu, I swear I didn't influence her!

Abby got the 'Snuggle Owl'...too perfect for her!



{watching her friends }



Julia got the 'Giggle Owl' Cloee got the 'Crafty Owl' and Eliyana got the 'Dress-Up' Owl

After all the Owl fun the girls took their new friends into the kitchen for Icecream Sundaes!

They were all getting pretty silly by this point!

{Time for presents!}







When the presents were all opened you girls went to the room to play with the new karaoke machine daddy and I got you. You all sounded so cute singing tunes and giggling, the sound of 6 little girls up past their bedtimes, full of sugar and having a blast!

Before too long Daddy and Elijah were back home and it was time to say farewell to all the Night Owls, our night was still far from over though, Elijah couldn't wait to decorate his own pillowcase and have a sundae. You and I sang in your bedroom for awhile before bedtime.

After that it was time to crash! We were so tired and had way too much fun with all of our girlfriends.

Daddy and I were almost done picking up the last of the mess when I kept hearing something in Elijah's room so I went in to check on him, only to find he had helped himself to the prize basket and dug out all the glow sticks. I said "What are you doing in here?! It's late!" and his response was a very defensive "I'm being Wolverine!" I had to laugh and grabbed my camera to take a picture, although he wouldn't smile for the camera because "Wolverine doesn't smile".



At that our night was complete! Good Night! :)

{Giggles} Elijah's First Team Sport: Football!

Okay, so our family has finally entered the world of "organized sports"...and I use the term "organized sports" VERY loosely. Elijah's team is a group of 6&7-year-olds ready to run and play their little hearts out, but not as ready to absorb offensive play plans as some of their challengers, which is maybe why we won ZERO games this year, but in my opinion our little guys are the cutest and most carefree kids out there...and they are having a BLAST! So we throw the dream of an undefeated season out the window and watch our little man hustle in every play, cheer for his teammates when he's stuck on the sidelines, and have an awesome attitude after every game that he knows they "didn't win". Avery and I were both shocked and impressed with Elijah's great sportsmanship and we couldn't be more proud of his winning attitude and the way he gave it his all and had fun.

First game of the season

Sometimes Elijah's best little buddy Conner gets to come home with us!



Ava loves to run and play with Conner's little sister Kendal

& Lily entertains herself  by digging through daddy's wallet...
or Conner's mom's purse!





Post-Game Celebration









Cool Banner I painted (with the help of my over-head) for the last game of the season!

Prizes to pass-out to teamates for congrats on a fun-filled season!

Da'Boys!

The cheering section!

One PROUD little boy!

Elijah: You did so great at football, I am so impressed with how you handled yourself every game, you are turning into quite the little man! I can't wait to see you how you enjoy baseball this spring and even though there are no pictures of daddy I want you to know he was there at EVERY game and EVERY practice, he even helped fill-in for coaches a couple times...He was your biggest fan and it showed by the way he watched every play waiting for your "big moment". One of my favorite things you said all season was when you took a pass to the head and after the game came up to me exclaiming "Mommy did you see me block that pass with the back of my head?!"

{Grace} In Marriage

I know I previously wrote about needing Grace in parenthood, and while that is still very true, Grace in marriage is an absolute necessity...especially for me! Marriage is a dream when you're single, something you can't wait to experience, loving someone so much and having them love you back, spending your lives together as a team and making all your memories together...sounds so wonderful! For me marriage has truely been a dream come true, but it has only been that way because of one word: GRACE!

I was NINETEEN when I got married! I knew I was young then, but now I can't believe how young I was to be making such a decision, and NO ONE was going to talk me out of it! I was head-over-heels in love and I could not wait to become this man's bride...I was selfish and immature but also really cute and funny, which is part of the reason why Avery continued to love me I think.

I have to brag on Avery or this blog would not be true to how I feel, and I hope someday my girls grow up to marry such a man. I fell in love with him because he was different than any of the other guys I had dated in the past. He did not care about labels, status symbols, or proving how tough a man he was...and this was unbelievably refreshing. I was so impressed with his genuine strength, the kind of strength that does not have to puff itself up, or try and put others down, to become something but instead remains steady and solid in who he already is. As I got to know him better his kindness, selflessness, and love for God and people made it clear that this was the man for me...and his goofiness is just a bonus that makes life fun!

Eight years later I look back at our life together and know that it is only by the grace of God that we have enjoyed such a magical marriage. God's love and grace have been vital to the heart beat of our lives, He is the 3rd person in our marriage. Without Jesus I would be a very angry, depressed, selfish person...and no amount of 'cuteness' would get me out of that mess! I do not know or understand how God does it. How He could transform my heart in such a way that my greatest efforts and most glorious intentions never could. His love and grace, the power of the cross, Jesus alive in me, the hope of glory....all this has quietly and beautifully lead me to where I am today in a way that only God could. I was, most of the time, blissfully unaware of what a mess I was. Sure, I knew I could be a "stinker" sometimes, but I'm entitled, right? No biggie, right? Well I come to find out now it was a biggie, and even so, Avery and I have enjoyed every year that we have shared together. Yet God has been making us better and better along the way...how do you explain that? How do you grasp that you could never live without all that you now have...even though you never knew you missed it when you didn't have it? CONFUSING BUT TRUE!...don't ask me to explain because I can't!

I do not know how life can get any better than it is but I know my God well enough to know that He has more in store. I cannot wait to see what is around the corner as we daily walk in the excitement of knowing Him and standing back and watching Him move...Jesus is beyond cool!

And so we celebrated our 8th anniversary in Sedona, surrounded by beauty and knowing that the God who created it all was also creating a beautiful masterpiece out of our lives...as only He can.

While in Sedona, we snuck in lost of kisses, cuddled by the creek, laugh and cried (I was the one doing all the crying), we reminised, and talked about all that God has done in our lives over the past 8 years, His goodness, His faithfulness, His grace, His love, we shared about what we're looking forward to, and we took LOTS of pictures!

We dropped the kids off at Grandma's and enjoyed a peaceful 1 1/2 hour drive up to Sedona, the scenery was great and we enjoyed listening to some amazing Bible teaching and then actually discussing our thoughts and excitement without being interrupted by the kids, it was grand, who knew we had so many thoughts?!

Since all we had for breakfast was coffee we couldn't resist grabbing an early lunch once we got there, we wanted to eat at a fun little mom and pop restaurant...but somehow we ended up at the Wildflower Bread Company...not very quaint, but still delicious! The balcony had great views and the weather was perfect. I love this picture because you can see Avery in my sunglasses smiling at me as he was taking it, I am blessed!

After checking out some of the shops we drove to Oak Creek for a little relaxation. It was breathtaking. We found a nice spot to throw down the picnic blanket, cuddle-up, & take it all in.The time flew by way too fast!

This man is quite the Leader!

So after resting by the creek, listening to the water flow and the wind gently rustling the trees as they would drop leaves to the ground, it was time to switch gears and head for a fun and exciting Pink Jeep tour!







Happy to make it back alive we decided to grab dinner at a tiny little place called Simon's where, according to TripAdvisor, you can get the best hotdogs on the planet. We searched high and low to find this place and are glad we put forth the effort. Our hotdogs were made by Simon himself, a sweet man from Columbia, and we ate out on the patio under strung lights, a sky full of stars, and sitting next to a cozy firepit, a perfect ending to our day...HOTDOG!

Lord, how can I ever thank you enough for all that you have done in our lives over the past 8 years, and how can I begin to comprehend all that you are yet to do and in the process of doing?! I cannot, and so I rest. I rest in Your hands, knowing that you never let me go, You never leave me, You are never unaware or unconcerned. I cast my cares on You because You care for me...YOU, the creator of the universe, care for ME...wow. I take great comfort and joy in knowing that I am not ruining Your plans with my shortcomings and mess-ups, even when I am being a 'stinker' because You are so much bigger than that. I love living this life with You, the excitement of knowing You everyday and the peace of putting my confidence in You...we both know that I am not worthy of it. Lord thank You for filling our home with joy and laughter and love, thank you for teaching me how to love Avery best and for giving Avery such a love for me! Thank you that we get to love eachother and not worry about changing eachother or trying to improve eachother...thats Your job and you are amazing at it. And so as we continue to walk this life together I pray that we would keep our eyes on You, the unfailing One, and may we come to know you more and more, You are everything to us as we live in your constant grace...I LOOOOOOOVE YOU!

Your little princess,

Lucy

Oh, and we kept mentioning how much the kids would enjoy seeing the Fall colors and exploring the creek so the following Sunday we made a surprise trip back up!



It was a little more chilly this time

Ready to do some fishing with Daddy!



This bag of Cheetos was priceless! Kept our girl happy
 so we could have some quality time with Elijah and Ava.



Exploring with mommy, resting on the  rocks to sing me a song.





Now it's Lily's turn to explore! She kept finding
pebbles and 'telling' me all about them.




We capped off the night watching the sunset from the Starbuck's balcony, drinking hot beverages and playing Zingo!