{Gratitude} Sweet Moments

As a mother I am not perfect (as a person I am not perfect) when I started this blog I made a deal with myself to be real...to not just write the fluff but to journal my real thoughts, short comings, and struggles to give my kids (someday when I forces them to read this with me) and idea of who I was when they were little...why I did things and raised them the way I did, and also so that I didn't give the impression or illusion that my life is all roses.

One area in life that can MAGNIFY any doubts or insecurities you may have about yourself is motherhood. I swear the day I became a mom I learned a whole new level of guilt. Guilt that I wasn't doing enough or that I wasn't doing it right, or that I was doing too much...you name it, I could feel guilty about it. Add to that a child that mimics the very things you do and say and wish you didn't...geeesh! Don't get me started!

God has so lovingly freed me from the thought that I can 'ruin' my kids with my 'mistakes'. He has taught me that they are not actually MY kids but ultimately HIS kids and that He gave them to me for a reason. He knows EXACTLY what they need, and He lives in me and leads me daily in my dealings with them...when you have more than one child you quickly realize how different each child is...their needs, their strengths and weaknesses, and so having God nudge me here or there with each one is fun, exciting, and AMAZINGLY helpful! It's everything really!

Now that sounds all fine and dandy (and it is) but there are still days where I feel I just don't know what to do. Days when I am so tired that even if I did know what to do I would not follow through on it, and days when I am so stink'n mad that my kids aren't 'getting it' that I just want to put them to bed at 5pm so I can re-group and be alone for a bit....

I had one such day recently. As I sat at the table to finish up my coupon clipping, tired and frustrated with the events of the day, I felt 2 little hands touch my back..."Ugh!!! Now what do they want?!" But before I could even say a word of rebuke I feel these 2 little hands awkwardly squeezing and moving around my shoulders...giving me a massage! I turn around and discover Elijah giving me a sweet closed mouth grin with squinted eyes and he says "You're such a beautiful woman mommy...I'm just giving you a little massage"

So I burst into tears...those words he said are very familiar, he is mimicking his daddy, which is another blessing all together. And suddenly my night goes from cross-eyed coupon clipping to snuggling in the chair with my 6-year-old as if he was a 2-year-old. Enjoying the moment for everything it's worth and trying not to think about how soon it will be when he doesn't want to do that anymore...I can't even type this now without crying! Suddenly it didn't matter how ungrateful he was that day, how much he tested me or disobeyed me, I couldn't feel mad at him if I tried! All that mattered was I could feel his love for me and that made everything else sink away in the ocean of my love for him...I could not help but think of how the Lord's love is toward us. How often do we test and try and disobey? Yet all of our misdeeds are NO match for His heart of love and grace toward us...Thank You Lord for these sweet moments in the midst of the everyday that bring all the frustrations to a screeching halt and allow gratitude to fill my heart to overflowing!

Here are a few of my favorite current 'Sweet Moments':

Lily reaching in to give me a hug (This lasted only about .5 seconds but still!)

Ava singing me one of her made-up songs (songs about Jesus and God's love)

Elijah sneaking in my room in the morning to hug me
(this happens every morning!)

Lily making an absolute mess and then pointing her finger at me
and telling me all about it when I find her. 

Ava's giggle.

Elijah's robotic habit of thanking me
 ...someday it will flow naturally & from the heart!

Lily laughing hysterically at her brother and sister.

Ava telling me she loves me "All the way up to heaven and Jesus' heart"
Elijah walking in to the pizza joint like he owns the place to pay for our pizza
 ...while I watch from the car.